Spoilers: General
Warnings: None
Author’s Note: Thanks to Robert for his wonderful beta services and great ideas!
Author’s note 2: While Hal might need to keep his chest undeveloped for the purposes of his martial arts - Michael does not. I’ve taken the liberty of requiring to attend to the area at least three times a week over the past couple of years. He now at least has the development of a post-pubescent boy with well-defined pectoral muscles and at least a four pack on his abdomen.
Archiving: Across the Pond and Always. Others by permission only.
Disclaimer Legal Crap: Yeah, yeah, yeah...I don’t own them and didn’t create them...but I hope I’ve put them to good use!
Tempted
[Ben & Michael's Apartment
11:22 pm - Wednesday]
Two fucking years.
Twenty-seven months, two weeks and four days, to be exact.
Michael's thoughts were disjointed as he put down the telephone. Four
in the morning London time and there was still no answer in Ben's
hotel room; he had already missed the call scheduled for earlier that
evening. He wishes that he could put his suspicions aside, to trust
that everything is fine, but he knows it's not. His worry isn't for
Ben's health; someone would have called him, if that had been a
problem. Someone like Jackson Delaney.
Jackson Delaney was a rarely uttered, yet infamous name in their home
for the past two years. Jackson Delaney is a notable writer in the
gay genre. Jackson was scheduled to speak at the conference. He is
also the man that Ben fell in love with at the Iowa State writing
program, the love that even Ben, the master of living in the now,
couldn't leave behind. Michael had believed, just as he had let his
dreams of Brian go, that Ben had done the same...that they had forged
a new life together free of all that baggage.
Another little white lie, Michael thought to himself. He should know,
he told them all the time, to protect himself and to protect the
feelings of others.
The problem with little white lies is that they were still lies and
the truth was bound to come out. Michael had a feeling that Ben's
truth had done just that. Michael felt a sick panicky feeling in his
chest. Were there more truths to come?
* * *
[Babylon - Friday]
"Where's Brian?" Ted asked Michael over the pulse-pounding music, his
eyes still on the latest dancing boy-spectacle. Tonight they were
draped in iridescence - fabric, light and body paint. The boys hadn't
yet figured out what the theme was supposed to be, but they were
enjoying it.
"Probably in the back room," Emmett snarked, lifting his vibrant blue
drink from the bar and spilling only a few drops on Ted before
getting it to his mouth.
Ted rolled his eyes and swiped at his shoulder.
"He said he had some work to do for a big pitch tomorrow." Michael's
fingers worried at the label on his beer as he absently sifted
through the crowd looking for someone and no one.
Ted and Emmett looked at each other in surprise.
"It's been known to happen in the history of the world," Ted said,
putting an arm around Michael's shoulders.
"Not on a Thursday night when Ben is out of town and he can keep you
all to himself. Plus, he didn't show up last night at Woody's either.
Is there a hot new boy toy on the scene?" Emmett asked.
"I gotta go. Ben is coming home from his conference tonight and I
want to be there," Michael pasted on a strained smile.
Ted and Emmett watched their friend walk away. "He seems down,"
Emmett said.
"The question is whether it's about Brian or Ben," Ted said wryly.
* * *
[Ben and Michael's Apartment]
"I would have picked you up at the airport," Michael said as he
walked into the bedroom where Ben was unpacking his bags. He wished
he could pretend that nothing happened, that he hadn't called that
night, but too many feelings had been sparked by the unanswered call.
"It's not a problem?" Ben asked.
"Oh, here," Michael handed him a bottle of water.
"Thanks, flying makes me parched," Ben took the water with a grateful
smile.
"I know," Michael smiled and his expression melted as he met Ben's
clear blue eyes. Two years of learning each other's needs and desires
shined through, but in a flash it was gone and the tension returned.
"We need to talk," Ben said.
"I know." Michael's face was grim. His heart pounded.
"I said, I thought," Ben closed his eyes and put his head back. "I
thought nothing would ever happen."
"But something did." Michael's stomach dropped and his eyes
moistened. He had hoped he was wrong; now that faint hope was gone.
Ben nodded, his expression regretful. His eyes mournful.
"Going with the moment?" Michael couldn't stop the bitter words that
had been hovering in the back of his mind for the past couple of
days. He refused to apologize. David would have been proud, or at
least surprised. So would Brian.
"I deserve that," Ben cleared his throat.
"Are you planning to be with him?" Michael asked.
" I don't know," Ben looked down for a moment.
"What do you know?" Michael asked, wondering even as he asked how he
could be so civil about this.
"I love you, Michael," Ben said.
"And you love him," Michael said.
Ben remained silent. His eyes gave all the answer that Michael needed.
"Did you know that we would end up here someday?" Michael wondered
aloud.
"No, I thought..., no," Ben said.
"Shit," Michael sat down on the bed and looked at his hands.
"Yeah," Ben swiped a hand through his hair.
* * *
[Buzzy's Comics –
Saturday]
Michael could understand what it was like to be offered that for
which one had yearned...and that which was long denied. It was in
this very shop, more than two years ago, that such a thing had
tempted Michael. Michael looked at the comic in his hand, but he
didn't see it. In his mind's eye he was remembering Brian's offer.
But Brian had offered and Michael had refused a soulless mating, a
quick fuck, a point to be made. Jackson, on the other hand, had
offered forever.
However surprising it was to Michael now, Michael knew he was in no
position to begrudge Ben's inability to refuse Jackson, if Ben still
yearned for Jackson. What if Brian had offered more, then or now?
What would Michael do? He still couldn't believe that he himself
would go through with it.
=beep=
Michael lifted his mobile phone from the counter and checked the
Caller ID.
"Hey," Brian's gravelly voice sounded in his ear. "Plans for tonight?"
"Dinner, with Ben." Michael closed his eyes and tilted his head back.
He didn't want to cover this ground with Brian.
"What are you going to do?" Brian asked.
"I don't know and I'm not whining like a betrayed housewife." A small
smile touched Michael's lips at the memory his words evoked. How many
times, he thought with wonder, had they been there for each other?
How many times had they just pissed each other off with the brutal
truth?
"Wouldn't dream of saying so," Brian lied.
"I bet." Michael could hear the answering smile in Brian's voice.
"If you need, uh, anything, call me. Come by," Brian said.
"Are you going out tonight?" Michael asked.
"I dunno. Woody's, maybe," Brian said.
"Then I won't just drop by," Michael grinned knowingly.
"You're more important than any trick, Mikey," Brian said.
"You've kicked me out plenty of times in favor of a trick," Michael
said without rancor.
"Well, tonight I won't. Bye, Mikey," Brian ended the call.
Just then a customer stepped up to the counter to be rung out.
A steady stream of customers and browsers kept Michael busy for the
next hour or so until Ben entered.
"Hey." Michael moved into Ben's embrace for a quick greeting. The
tension, he noted, was beginning to recede. Strangely, what he was
beginning to feel was relief and he thought Ben felt the same.
"Are you ready?" Ben asked.
"Yeah. Why don't you go put the bike on the car and I'll meet you
outside." Michael pulled out the keys and walked Ben towards the
door. He couldn't resist a quick glance at the wall to his right. As
he glanced away he felt the phantom pressure of a hand against his
groin.
"You all right?" Ben asked.
"Yeah, sure. I'm cooking tonight," Michael said.
"You don't have to," Ben protested.
"I'm sure you've had enough `take away' this past week; that's what
they call it in London, right?" Michael asked.
"Yeah, they do," Ben smiled tenderly at Michael and pressed a gentle
kiss against Michael's temple before walking out.
Could he, Michael asked himself, give this up?
* * *
[Ben & Michael's Apartment –
Later]
"I think one of us should move out. At least for a while," Michael
said as he and Ben sat over the untouched dinner and hours of
conversation later.
"I agree. I'll go," Ben nodded and toyed with his glasses on the
table.
"You don't have to do that. I can stay with one of the boys," Michael
said.
"No, I'll go. I can stay at school or with Ryan," Ben said, his eyes
looked clear and vulnerable. Confused.
"We'll see each other. We just need a few days, weeks apart. Until
you decide," Michael said.
"I'm so sorry, Michael," Ben said.
"I know," Michael shook his head slightly and looked down at his
uneaten meal.
* * *
[Woody's –
same night]
"Earth to Brian," Emmett intoned while Ted waited with stick in hand
over the pool table at Woody's.
"Brian, your shot," Ted had a knowing smile on his face. When Brian
was like this, he had a good shot at getting laid from Brian's cast
offs, even without jerkatwork.net in the picture. It had always been
a nice challenge for him to come up with lines even cheesier than
those Brian delivered, and have them succeed. Now, however, he had
Chad so he might as well try and cheer the man up.
"Yeah, yeah. I don't just bend over and shoot like you two," Brian
shot them a sarcastic look before sinking his shot.
"We know," Ted raised an eyebrow and shared an amused look with
Emmett.
"If you ever refer to that again I'll stick this stick so far up your
nose..." Brian threatened as he sunk another shot.
"Testy, testy," Emmett giggled.
"I'll say," Ted said.
"You assholes," Brian tossed the stick down on the table.
"You used to have a sense of humor," Ted said.
"I won the game and it's your turn to rack them, loser," Brian
grabbed his beer.
"Oh," Ted put his beer down and went to gather the balls.
Brian looked towards the door, as oblivious to the thirtieth cruise
he'd been on the receiving end of in the last hour as he was to the
prior twenty-nine.
"Who are you waiting for?" Emmett asked.
"No one," Brian scowled into his beer.
"Michael, who's currently spending a blissful weekend with his
domestic life partner, back from a week-long conference, and they're
busy making up for several lost days of hot fucking," Ted said.
"Yeah, right. I'm bored," Brian snorted and put his beer down and
grabbed his coat and walked out.
* * *
Brian stood outside in the chilly air looking up at the stars with
his hands burrowed in his pockets. Normally on a night like this,
when he was at loose ends and not wanting conversation, he would go
to the baths. He just didn't feel like it. What the hell was he
supposed to do now? Listen to Muzak?
He could always go get a blowjob and go home.
=beep=
Brian's phone rang. He reached into his jacket and pulled it out.
"I thought you had plans with Ben," Brian said.
"He's moved out, at least for a while," Michael was still watching
the closed door.
"I'll be right over," Brian began walking quickly to the Jeep.
"No, thanks, I just want to be alone. I just wanted to let you know,"
Michael spoke quietly. Brian detected the sadness and ached for him,
as he always did for Michael's pain. Even the pain he inflicted on
Michael himself.
"I'm bringing over breakfast, no arguments," Brian got in.
"Oh yeah, Brian for breakfast. What's that, two in the afternoon?"
Michael teased.
"Nah, I'm calling it an early night. Just left the boys in Woody's.
So what is it that people do when they don't have sex and do drugs
every night?" Brian asked.
"And they're single? I have no idea," Michael laughed in Brian's
ear. "Why are you asking?"
"You're not single. This is just temporary," Brian evaded. "I'll see
you tomorrow."
Good question, Brian thought to himself as he drove off.
* * *
[Brian's Offce –
Monday]
"You look so refreshed, it's almost eerie," Cynthia said as she
spread Brian's schedule book on the desk.
"It's the new Italian cosmetics we're pitching. They really work. Do
I look eighteen yet?" Brian grinned maniacally.
"Luckily for you, no. I hear you were a spaz when you were eighteen,"
Cynthia grinned. She'd been saving that one for years.
"Who said that?" Brian asked.
"Michael," Cynthia laughed at Brian's expression. "If it's any
consolation he said he was a dweeb."
"He was, still is," Brian grumbled.
"I don't know, I always thought he was hot. Something about that
light skin, dark hair, kind eyes and toned body," Cynthia was
practically drooling. "Ben's not to shabby either, mind you."
"I don't know about that," Brian smirked and stirred his coffee with
his finger.
"I'm surprised that you two never, you know, got it together. I
always thought you'd be really good for each other," Cynthia said.
"Who, me and Ben?" Brian's snorted.
"You and Michael," Cynthia crossed her arms.
"Just tell me when my meeting is here, and get out," Brian scowled.
"All right, Boss," Cynthia swished out of the office and shut the
door with a careless bang.
Brian blew out a breath, leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.
"What are you planning to do while Ben is off meditating?" Brian was
irritated at how, in his mind, Michael was leaving everything up to
Ben.
"Do some meditating of my own, not that I've ever gotten good at it,"
Michael joked, but his eyes were sad.
"Is it because it was Jackson or because he slipped up?" Brian asked.
"Because the one night stand has offered forever. I feel like I
should have expected this," Michael said.
"Why shouldn't you be surprised? Everyone has a past and it doesn't
often come back," Brian asked.
"There were certain things we understood and accepted about each
other when we s started going out. Ben's feelings for Jackson was one
of those things," Michael pushed his half-eaten bagel back and forth,
his eyes evading Brian's gaze.
"The others?" Brian asked even though he knew. Would Michael say it
aloud, he wanted to know.
Michael sat gathering his thoughts.
"He knew about my feelings for you. I just thought all that was
behind us," Michael's gaze was strong.
"Like you got over me?" Brian couldn't stop himself from asking.
"Yeah, like I got over you," Michael's gaze didn't waver.
The answer reverberated throughout his body. Mikey didn't look like
he was lying. Brian could usually tell. "Why should he have expected
otherwise after all this time? I am the arrogant prick he accuses me
of being," Brian thought.
"Bri," Mikey reached across the table and touched his hand to Brian's
when his friend remained silent.
At the contact Brian was lit. "Sure, whatever you need, Mikey.
Listen, I got to be somewhere," he jumped up and went to grab his
coat.
Michael's admission still stung. The irony was enough to amuse Brian.
For almost fifteen years Brian had been the object of Michael's
unrequited infatuation. Now, the tables were turned. He was in love
with Michael, finally able to admit it to himself and now he was the
one out in the proverbial cold.
Brian didn't regret the timing, having come to recognize his feelings
just a few months ago. It couldn't have happened any earlier, either
the realization or the feelings depending on your view. Had Brian
returned Michael's feelings and done something about it years ago the
pair would have only torn each other to bits. They were both too
immature. One too naïve and one too cynical.
It wasn't all that much of a shock. Brian always knew his feelings
for Michael lay somewhere above strictly platonic friendship. A bond
built of rare need and even rarer trust, with a bit of sexual
attraction thrown in. One that Brian had long taken for granted and
not given much thought to, at least until that supposed doctor showed
up.
It was then he began to realize that Michael might not always be his
back-up, his designated driver, his pit stop, his best friend. Brian
always knew he deserved it, but Michael finally began to realize that
he wanted and needed to be loved back. Like a mad man, Brian grimaces
at the memory; he jerked Michael back and forth as hard as he could
to try to keep him. Deepening kisses one minute, and the next,
telling him that they had to grow up and grow apart. It wasn't that
Brian was trying to play mind games with Michael; he truly didn't
know what else to do.
It wasn't until Brian held an impromptu photo shoot in his loft a
couple of years ago that Brian begun to realize that Michael was a
man. Not just a guy, but also a sexy, desirable man. A man that Brian
could fuck all night and still want back for more the next.
It seemed silly now, that revelation. It wasn't as if Brian didn't
know intellectually that Michael was an attractive man. As if he
hadn't seen lots of guys cruise him, while Michael, for the most
part, remained oblivious. To Brian, Michael's sexiness had been a
painting, something to be admired from afar, but something you didn't
necessarily want to bring home for keeps.
And the kisses? Well, Brian was just showing affection in keeping
with his overtly sexual nature. In his more brutally honest moments
he admitted that it also served to keep Michael panting after him.
That was just how he liked it. Not to mention the fact that Brian
enjoyed them.
It was disturbing, during those weeks, having those many pictures of
Michael on his hard drive, tempting Brian repeatedly. Brian even
downloaded most of them to a disk, saving them as a memento they
could both look back at, and laugh at, together. But there were a
few of those pictures Brian could not bring himself to remove from
the easily accessible hard drive. He had to see them again and
again, and began to worry about his craving to look at those pictures
of Michael's wet, toned body, along with the lusty confidence in
Michael's eyes.
A few weeks later an opportunity arose to see if this heightened
desire was just an aberration. Brian would cop a feel, deepen a kiss
he had given a thousand times before and Michael would say no.
Michael would remember that their friendship was so much more
intimate and important than a fuck or they would have done it years
ago. Brian would get rid of this stupid tension in his gut whenever
he saw Michael or his pictures, or just thought of him. It wasn't
supposed to happen the way it did.
His hand wasn't supposed to burn with the feel of Michael's pulsing
sex. His lips weren't supposed to refuse to listen to his commands to
stop. His heart wasn't supposed to try to beat a path out of his
chest. His arousal wasn't supposed to drain the blood from the rest
of his body and speed like a locomotive through his system. His knees
were not supposed to go weak. Not with Michael. Not with anyone, not
like that.
Still, it was just lust, and not something worth risking ruination of
their relationship. Besides, he'd had Justin back then, and Michael
had Ben.
Because Brian must lust him, care for him in the deepest of ways, but
not love. Brian didn't do love. That was for lesbians.
As Debbie once said, he'd better start liking pussy, because a few
months ago he realized he was in love with Michael.
It was the day of his mother's funeral that he realized that
somewhere along the way he had fallen in love with Michael. No matter
how hard he ran, how many drugs he took, how many guys he fucked, the
blinding knowledge couldn't be undone. Brian had decided not do
anything about it. Not because Michael was with Ben, but because he
wasn't willing to risk the friendship.
There would be one trick too many. One cruel thing he would do that
even Michael Novotny couldn't forgive. A commitment he couldn't make.
Or worse, once he let go and allowed himself to be in love he would
turn into his father and react with violence instead of the cool
control he had honed over a lifetime.
Before he could think about it anymore, Cynthia phoned to let him
know his client had arrived. Brian thankfully got to his feet and
pushed his thoughts aside.
Part 2
[Brian’s Office]
"Listen, Brian. I want to apologize." Cynthia closed the door behind her and sat down in front of Brian’s desk.
"What did you do now?" Brian asked, arching his right eyebrow.
"You’ve kind of been a bigger twat than usual today. Since you were in a good mood before I said anything about Michael, I realize I shouldn’t have touched the subject," Cynthia said.
Brian sat back, his expression shuttered, and steepled his fingers.
When, after a few minutes, he hadn’t responded Cynthia sat back and her mouth dropped open.
"Holy shit, you’ve finally admitted it to yourself. I never thought you would," she gasped.
"What?" Brian bit out.
"You’ve realized that you’re in love with Michael and you haven’t told him," Cynthia said.
"He has a boyfriend," Brian scowled and began to play with his black and gold Mont Blanc pen. He didn’t have the energy to deny it, anyway.
"Ben’s a nice guy. I can see Michael adores him." Cynthia ignored Brian’s darkening countenance.
Brian shrugged.
"But it pales in comparison to what he feels for you," Cynthia said.
"He’s in love with Ben, not me," Brian glared at his assistant.
"He writes a comic about you every month, but if you’re worried then make him fall in love with you again. Sell yourself, Ad man," Cynthia said.
"By putting a bunch of half-dressed men around me? I’ve always done that," Brian smirked.
"Charm him." Cynthia rolled her eyes at his density on the subject.
"You realize you’re advocating I break up a happy homo." Well, Cynthia didn’t know it wasn’t so happy.
Cynthia squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. Her first loyalty was to Brian, but perhaps she was goading him a bit too much. No, she was sure this was what Michael really wanted.
"I’m outta here." Brian stood up and gathered up the files he needed to work on that night. He had plans to make. All thought that he would forget about his feelings flew away in the face of Cynthia’s challenge. Why not let Mikey decide for himself, he thought.
"Good luck," Cynthia said walking out the door.
"Luck is for people who don’t go after what they want," Brian called after her.
* * *
[Buzzy’s Store]
Michael told a white lie, one he he thought would matter after all these years. He told it to protect his relationship with Ben, but mainly to protect himself. He just didn’t want to admit that nineteen fucking years later he still had more-than-friendly feelings for Brian. He didn’t want to admit how easily it could have been him who had slept with Brian, if Brian had been willing. He hadn’t expected Brian to shoot him that blank look that intended to say nothing, but said everything to Michael. Brian had been hurt, but Michael didn’t know why. Was it just ego?
Stop it!
For the past two years Michael had managed to not overanalyze every kiss, every touch and every look that Brian threw his way.
He wasn’t going to allow himself to regress just because he was having problems with Ben. Or just because he might have lost Ben, Michael thought more honestly.
Michael rubbed his head. He shouldn’t be thinking about Brian. He should be thinking about whether he could make things work with Ben. He should be thinking about his store, the comic, his mortgage and his car payments. He should be thinking about doing his laundry. He should be thinking about anything but the hopeless thoughts he had tortured himself with since he was fourteen and until he fell in love with Ben.
Still, he couldn’t help picturing the look Brian had given him before he walked out. Remembering how Brian had held his hand as he slipped out the door. He had seen that look so few times in the past.
Once when they were fourteen.
Once on the Pennsylvania Turnpike on the way to find Justin.
Once in Michael’s store.
All ages and years ago. All relative non-incidents in a lifetime of friendship.
Michael looked up from his place behind the counter, looking blindly past the customers towards the open door. In place of the slowly fading sunlight he saw were the images of a scene from two years ago. Sensations of a moment he rarely thought about, but that still hadn’t faded in intensity. If anything they had become more acute.
God, how tempted he had been!
He had been tempted even before his back had hit the wall. The look in Brian’s lust-darkened eyes had been enough to begin to crumble his protective walls and moral objections.
Challenge and lust.I was tempted even before his hand slid down my stomach. Before his fingers cupped my sex. As he came closer, as he pressed against me and I felt the heat of his mouth on my lips, I knew it was wrong. Wrong place. Wrong time.
Michael wished he could forget minutes that felt like forever but were over before his body knew they were real. Odd looks or not, he knew that Brian wasn’t going to suddenly wake up and realize that he had been in love with Michael. Whether Brian was hurt or not, Michael loved Ben and he planned to leave his more-than-platonic feelings for Brian in the past where they belonged.
* * *
[Michael & Ben’s Apartment –
Thursday]
"I don’t want to be here," Michael thought as he stood inside the apartment that he and Ben had lovingly purchased, decorated and lived in together. He had barely spent any time there in the past few days, but he couldn’t take another night alone. Without giving himself time to think he threw some things into an overnight bag and left the apartment.
He briefly thought of going to Brian’s. He knew he would be welcome, but he didn’t want to cramp Brian’s style. Or deal with Brian’s constant pushing to make him face things he’d rather not face. All Michael wanted to do now was slide under the covers and block out the world. His mother he could ignore, at least for a little while.
Feeling a bit like a lost little boy he got off the exit at his Mom and Vic’s house.
"Michael, what are you doing here?" Vic asked as he opened the door and eyed the bag.
"Ben’s, uh, Ben and I are taking some time apart. I didn’t want to stay in our place alone," Michael said.
"Have you had dinner?" Vic said as he moved aside for Michael to walk past.
"I’m not hungry, just tired. I’m just going to go to bed," Michael said.
"If you need to talk," Vic offered with a comforting hand on Michael’s arm.
"I know." Michael hugged his uncle and then walked slowly up the stairs to his childhood room. He toed off his shoes, but didn’t bother to take off any clothes before crawling under the blanket. He pulled it fully over his head and let the tears he had been repressing finally fall.
* * *
[Debbie & Vic’s House –
Friday]
"He hasn’t come down yet?" Debbie’s shrill tones betrayed both her impatience and worry. Over the phone line, though, they were rather deafening to her brother.
"He just says he’s tired and to go away. I think we should just leave him alone for now," Vic said. "I can go open the store. I’m sure he’ll be out by tonight."
"He’ll be out sucking and fucking by tonight." Debbie allowed herself to be momentarily mollified.
By nine o’clock that evening she wasn’t so easy to appease. "Michael Charles Novotny get your ass down here and eat your dinner!" she screeched up the stairs.
"Sis, leave him alone. He’s come here to lick his wounds, not be yelled at," Vic said.
"He came here to be mothered and mothered he’s going to be!" Deb insisted.
"He came here because he didn’t want to be in the apartment without Ben and because he doesn’t want anyone to know what’s going on." Vic put his hand on his sister’s arm to stop her from charging up the stairs.
"Know what! We don’t even know what the fuck happened," Debbie said.
"He’ll tell us when he’s ready," Vic insisted.
"I wonder if he told Brian," Debbie scowled.
"He probably did and Brian won’t betray Michael’s confidence," Vic said.
"No, but he might be able to get Michael out of exile up there and get him to eat something." Debbie felt better having a plan of action, even this plan.
"To what do I owe this honor?" Brian asked, having recognized the telephone number on his mobile’s Caller ID.
"Michael’s locked in his room and he won’t come down," Debbie said.
"Did you catch him with dirty magazines again?" Brian snorted.
"He said Ben was gone and he’s been locked in there since last night. He won’t eat or tell us what’s going on. I’m worried about him," Debbie said.
"He didn’t open the store?" Brian didn’t bother trying to hide his concern.
"No, Vic did it for him," Debbie said.
"I’ll be right over." Brian cut the connection.
Debbie glared at the phone on the wall.
"He’ll be able to help," Vic said.
"I just hate calling him when Michael is so vulnerable," Debbie said. "You know what’s going to happen."
"I think you’re underestimating Michael. But regardless, if they love each other and the time is right, you’re not going to stop them," Vic said.
"You sound like a fucking romance novelist." Debbie scowled at him.
"You called him because he’ll be able to help Michael. Besides, I’d love to see the Stud of Liberty Avenue settled down with a nice boy like Michael. So call me whatever you want," Vic chuckled.
"I’ll call you asshole!" Debbie tossed a dishtowel at her brother’s head.
Vic laughed and caught it neatly.
* * *
[Michael’s Room]
"This lock always was for shit," Brian said as he entered Michael’s tomb-like room after only a few seconds of jiggling. He had just finished dressing for a night out, sporting his black leather jacket, red brick, button-down shirt and black leather pants, when Debbie called.. He gladly gave up his plans to come to Michael’s rescue.
"Go away," Michael’s voice resounded from the depths of his bed.
Brian circled the bed, bent over and moved some covers. He wanted to get a look at Michael’s face before he committed to a strategy. "Dry eyed, pissed and wishing I would go away so he could pull the covers over his head, fine," Brian thought and leaned a little closer. "Fear, sadness and hurt. Got it."
Brian dropped the covers to turn and take off his jacket. Following that, he removed his shoes and, without preamble, slid under the blanket to spoon Michael. After a few moments of Michael trying to push him off the bed, Michael sighed and gave in. Their bodies remembered this position, though it had been a while.
Brian hated that there was a need for him to give comfort to Michael, no matter that he was glad to be the one giving for a change. Gently he stroked Michael’s shoulder and back. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed before Michael finally spoke.
"I don’t think I’ll ever get over this," he said in a hoarse voice.
"Did you think you’d get over the Doc?" Brian asked.
"Yeah, I did," Michael admitted.
"You’ll get over this, too," Brian said. What he really wanted to say is that Ben can’t make Michael happy, that to forgive would be a waste of time.
"It hurts so much." The tears Michael thought he had shed the last of begin again. Brian felt them in Michael’s gentle trembling. Without hesitation he rolled Michael over to face him. He pulled Michael to him and let his friend weep on his shoulder, both safe in the knowledge that neither man would ever speak of this.
"You know, most people get to lie around for days, weeks, and be depressed," Michael mumbled against Brian’s shoulder, certain he should feel embarrassed but isn’t.
"Most people do it in the privacy of their own home and not in their mother’s house," Brian pointed out.
"Forget it, she’d be over to my place soon enough anyway," Michael said.
"Sure, she’d have her cop boyfriend banging down your door with an axe." Brian chuckled and kissed the top of Michael’s head.
"I guess I’d better go down and have dinner." Michael pulled back and looked up at Brian.
"You’d better shower first," Brian noted with a teasing grimace.
Michael got out of bed and headed for the door.
"Come stay with me," Brian’s almost whisper reached Michael as he turned the doorknob.
"Thanks, but I don’t want to intrude," Michael shook his head.
"What do you think alleys and back rooms are for," Brian smirked.
"All right, thanks," Michael opened the door and he blinked a few times before walking out.
Brian’s smirk turned into a smile. This was turning out better than he hoped. Michael didn’t stand a chance on Brian’s home turf.
Part 3
[Brian’s Loft]
"You don’t have to stay home ‘cause of me," Michael said, making himself comfortable on Brian’s white leather couch.
"You’re right, you’re coming out with me," Brian said.
"I don’t feel like it," Michael said.
"You’ve been staying in for the past week. You need to get out, have some fun," Brian cajoled.
"I don’t want to," Michael shook his head.
"They were our places long before you ever met Ben," Brian said.
"And probably will be after he’s long gone, that’s what you mean to say," Michael snapped.
"I never said that, but you’re hiding yourself away like some virgin bride while he considers what your future will be is hardly...oh fuck it, Mikey. Do what you want." Brian stood up and stomped towards the bedroom.
Michael closed his eyes and let his head drop back. Ben had decided, Michael just hadn’t told Brian yet. Ben wanted to stay with Michael and put London behind them. Michael just wasn’t sure that was the right thing to do, no matter how often he woke up in the middle of the night or the morning missing Ben.
Ben’s infidelity had set something loose in Michael and as much as he yearned for things to be like they were he couldn’t take the first step back. Michael lifted his head and looked intently towards the bedroom where Brian was changing for a night out on the town.
Brian was right about one thing, sitting in the loft moping wasn’t going to help.
* * *
[Bablyon]
It felt wrong to walk into Babylon again without Ben at his side or waiting somewhere at the end of the night. This didn’t even compare to the first time he came here after returning from Portland with his tail between his legs.
Brian sensed some of what Michael was feeling and slipped his hand around Michael’s shoulder as they walked into the pulsating scene. Michael shot Brian a grateful look.
"All this could be yours, Mikey." Brian swept his hand across the hottest gay scene in Pittsburgh.
"Not tonight," Mikey said.
"What are you waiting for? You’re not getting any younger," Brian leaned up against the bar and faced Michael. His hazel eyes full of challenge.
Good point, Michael admitted to himself. Thirty-three and rising fast. I’m beginning to sound like Brian, he laughed to himself. Maybe a one night stand or something would help him be able to erase images of Ben and Jackson from his mind. Michael took the beer Brian held out and turned to survey the crowd.
Brian looked around himself; no one in particular caught his eye. Instead he watched Michael. Wondering whom he would pick for his revenge fuck or suck. For all his nice boy tendencies, Brian knew that Michael was a guy.
"Anyone?" Brian asked.
"Him," Michael pointed toward a lean, dark-haired man dancing within their line of sight as if he had no cares in this world. He noticed Michael pointing and smiled invitingly.
"Good choice. Going to go for it?" Brian drawled, a predatory air enveloping him as he watched Michael make up his mind.
"I dunno, we’re not exactly broken up," Michael said, but kept his eyes on the prize.
"What about you? Anyone catch Brian Kinney’s favor?" Michael looked up at his friend.
"I dunno Mikey, I think I’ve finally fucked my way through the entire eligible male population in Pittsburgh," Brian laughed, but it wasn’t with amusement. He wanted to yell out "you" just to see the look on Michael’s face when he realized Brian meant it.
"Took you long enough. Are you going to move to New York now?" Michael asked, his brow furrowed at the thought.
"I can’t just pick up and leave my home like some people," Brian put his hand behind Michael’s neck and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Now, are you going to go for it?"
Before Michael could respond something caught his attention to the right of Brian’s shoulder. "There’s Em and Ted," Michael moved out of Brian’s space and waved them over.
"Wonderful," Brian slammed his empty glass down on the bar.
"Where are you going?" Michael asked.
"To enjoy my youth," Brian walked off.
* * *
"Earth to Michael," Emmett waved his hand in front of Michael’s face.
"Huh?" Michael turned a confused eye towards Emmett.
"I asked where Ben was," Emmett said.
"Writing," Michael suddenly wished he had taken Brian up on his earlier offer of E. Even fake euphoria was welcome. Speaking of it made it more real, more painful.
"We’re taking a break from each other," Michael said on the spur of the moment.
"Are you all right?" Ted asked, both concerned and surprised.
"I will be," Michael put his empty bottle on the bar and pushed through the crowd to find his mark.
"I can’t believe it. Ben and Michael." Ted shook his head and took a swig of his beer.
"I know, they seemed so happy," Em’s brow was furrowed.
"Not that happy, lately. Not with Brian prowling around Michael the way he has," Ted said.
"You think it has something to do with Brian?" Emmett asked, his head tilted as he thought about it.
"It always has to do with Brian," Ted said, looking around for him, knowing he wouldn’t be far from Michael tonight.
* * *
Brian stood looking over the crowd like a King watching his realm. Except that it didn’t feel that way anymore. He knew that if he wanted he could have a dozen guys, and even more if he tried. He just didn’t feel like it. He was bored. Even the E he had taken a little while ago wasn’t making it better.
"Cheap shit," he mumbled to himself.
As he watched he saw Michael walk into the crowd. From up here Brian recognized how the last few years had changed his best friend. He wasn’t looking down, his expression was almost predatory and he exuded a confidence that even two years ago would have looked foreign on him. Without hesitation Michael walked up to the guy he had picked out earlier and started to dance with him. That too was a change.
Holy shit! Brian started from the rail. Michael had just slid his hand onto the guy’s cock and began to kiss him. Then, Michael began to lead him to the back room.
This was what Brian had encouraged, what he thought Michael needed, but that didn’t mean he liked it.
Whether it made sense or not, Brian was furious. He clenched his hands and rushed down the stairs. Brian gave no thought to what he planned to do, or say, he just had to move towards Michael.
"Where are you going, Brian?" Ted said as he and Emmett caught up with him at the bottom of the stairs.
"None of your fucking business, Schmidt," Brian snarled and moved aside to pass them.
"I guess its rough when the acolyte does not return to worship," Ted said. When it came to Michael, Brian and Ted still clashed as if they didn’t spend numerous nights drinking and talking about life.
"Fuck off," Brian glared.
"He’s over you, just let him stay free. He deserves someone who will love him back." Ted gripped Brian’s arm with surprising strength.
"Like Ben? Or you?" Brian said derisively and pulled his arm away.
"There’s only one of us that is in love with Mikey, and it’s not me. Not that I expect you to confess your feelings to him or that he would believe you," Ted said.
"You don’t fucking know a thing about our relationship and you never did!" Brian snapped.
"I know that for years Michael waited for you to fuck him, even to fall in love with him. Then he moved on and you hate it. It’s been obvious for months, to everyone but Michael because he would never think you would care about him in that way, that you’ve decided you want him," Ted said, his manner and tone a bit more relaxed, sympathetic, even.
"The question is whether you want him now because there’s no risk it will happen?" Ted took a sip of his beer and considered his sometime opponent.
"Fuck off, Schmidt." Brian pushed Ted aside with his shoulder.
Ted smiled and watched Brian stalk off.
"What’s got you so happy?" Chad, a dark-haired attractive man just a few inches taller than Ted, put his arm around Ted’s waist.
"Just anticipating some long-awaited requital," Ted said.
* * *
The mood of the backroom seeped into Brian’s bones, it was familiar and energizing. Sometimes that happened, sometimes it didn’t. It didn’t even depend on why he was visiting - pure sexual satisfaction or to numb himself. It was surprising now because he wasn’t hunting, but going to watch Michael bring down his prey.
Feeling a mix of anticipation and reluctance, Brian found Michael leaning against a pole with his pants around his knees. The dark-haired man he had chosen was servicing him rather well, if the look on Michael’s face was any indication. Brushing away offers from those eager to please him, Brian settled in the shadows, just enough so that Michael couldn’t see him, had Michael been able to focus. Brian sifted through his catalogue of memories as he watched Michael’s aroused response. He had, he realized, never seen Michael orgasm. He’d seen him go into a backroom or alley, he’d seen him come out. He’d seen the lingering pleasure on his face and in his walk, but he never had seen the action before.
"Just like when we were fourteen," Brian imagined he could see the rising flush on Michael’s light skin. He could clearly see Michael’s tongue pressing against his bottom lip, his eyes squeezing closed and his right hand lifting just a little bit higher as he sped up to the peak of his pleasure. Brian felt himself harden.
Brian watched the smile widen across Michael’s face as he came. His hand caressed the head of the man who caused his pleasure. As Brian continued to watch, Michael put his hand on the man’s shoulder, gently gesturing that he should rise. As the trick stood across from him, Michael gave him a sensuous kiss of thanks and respect.
Michael’s response was so different from my own brusque brush-off, noted Brian without surprise. Michael always expected much and delivered the same.
As Michael reassembled his clothing, Brian waited, until Michael walked out of the back room.
Then he waited another moment as the dual feelings of arousal and jealousy sped through his rushing blood.
* * *
"Enjoy yourself?" Brian put his hand over Michael’s shoulder from behind and pulled him back flush against him. Pressed against each other back to front, they began to move to the music.
"Oh yeah," Michael turned his head to give him one of his brighter, sweeter smiles.
Brian pressed a quick kiss against Michael’s cheek.
"What was that for?" Michael laughed.
"I felt like it; can’t a guy kiss his best friend?" Brian yelled into Michael’s ear.
"I’m pretty sure there’s no rule against it," Michael put his arm behind Brian’s head and pulled him in for a lips-to-lips kiss.
"Happy now?" Michael wiggled with his firm ass against Brian’s front, laughed and then pulled away. He was obviously still on a sexual high, feeling sexy and confident.
"Not so fast, Mikey," Brian grabbed Mikey and spun him around.
"So, you wanna dance?" Mikey put his hands on Brian’s shoulders. Without volition the pair pressed their foreheads together.
For the next few songs the friends danced in their own little world, a not uncommon scene at Babylon, but one that had been sorely missed of late by its participants and those who enjoyed watching such things.
"You haven’t picked your prey for the night yet," Michael said over the music.
"Yes, I have." Brian licked his lips as his heart tried to beat its way out of his chest.
"Yeah, who?" Michael asked looking around.
Brian moved his hands from Michael’s waist to Michael’s face and dove in for a kiss.
Michael began to participate in the kiss for a second, then two, before reality began to register. His eyes popped open and he froze while his dazed mind tried to figure out what was going on, what to do.
Brian deepened his assault: his tongue tasted, his lips demanded, his fingers tightened and entwined in Michael’s hair.
Michael hardened as if he hadn’t just had a draining orgasm fifteen minutes before. Aching, he pushed against Brian’s wiry body. His eyes slid closed and he surrendered to the now.
Brian slid his left hand down the front of Michael’s body to stroke Michael’s erection. His lips moved from Michael’s lips to taste first his face and then his neck.
Brian shifted his body into Michael’s roaming hands, wanting to feel every touch. He sucked in his breath and bit Michael’s neck as Michael’s hand finally moved along Brian’s throbbing length. Brian moaned into Michael’s skin and pressed himself tighter into Michael’s hand.
Then suddenly the hand was gone. Michael was gone.
Brian opened his eyes and blinked against the sudden glare. His heart and body were pounding even faster than the music. At Babylon. Holy shit.
Brian panted as he met Michael’s stunned eyes. He bit his lip and waited for Michael to say something. Brian couldn’t think of a thing to say.
Instead of saying anything Michael turned and walked out.
Fuck! Brian pushed his way through the crowd to follow him.