Warnings: None
Author Note: This is a little piece of crap that I wrote months and months ago - just to show Teri what crap really is. It's a ficlet, but in a way it could also function as a challenge for the Fuh-q-Fest. This has not been beta-d. Angst alert.
Disclaimers: Queer as Folk the series, characters and concepts are the property, copyright and trademark of Showtime and Cowlip. No ownership is claimed by the author; this work is non-profit, non- commercial and not for sale for commercial purposes. Characters and situations not specifically owned, copyrighted, or tradmarked by the creators of Queer as Folk are the sole copyright of the author.
It had crept up on him so slowly Michael almost didn't notice it happening and he certainly didn't know when it began. Was it the first time or twentieth that Brian stole out from under him a guy he was interested in? Was it when Brian betrayed their trust told the boys about their first, only, almost sexual encounter? Was it when he hit on David? Was it when he didn't give enough of a shit to even ask Michael how he felt about failing with David, expecting Michael to as usual wallow in Brian's problems rather than his own? Or was it just the accumulation of sixteen years of rudeness and being taken for granted?
Sometimes, like when Brian brought up a touching memory from their childhood, a flash of the old feelings would make his heart pound fondly. But lately, he was just sickened watching Brian play the same game he had played with Michael all these years with Justin. Push, pull, push, pull. Playing "poor wounded Brian giving all he can give." Well, that was the excuse Michael had been making for him all these years. At thirty, it was a bit rusty. Tired. Weak.
Brian Kinney was the stud of Liberty Avenue and Michael Novotny had been his fucking chauffeur!
The jeep was the only driver's seat he had ever sat in and he was tired of it. No one, not even Brian Kinney was going to take advantage of his kindness anymore. He had no delusions he was going to conquer the entire world, but he was bound and determined to conquer his own. Coming fully out of the closet, buying his own store and feeling confident enough to be truthful with Ben were his victories. Facing the truth about his Brian's friendship was another. The past, present and future had to be put into perspective.
He didn't deny that when he obviously needed his help, Brian was there for him. When he had his first case of Gonorrhea or when the homophobes in school would try to bully him. Nor did he deny that Brian often delivered a well-timed kick in the ass to get Michael out of a rut or that Brian could respect Michael's boundaries in ways David never could, like when Michael insisted he be the one to provide financial assistance to Vic and his Mom. But just as often Brian would treat him like a docile, stupid child. Prime example, the humiliating spectacle at his 30th birthday party, a classic Brian manipulation to get David and Michael back together. Michael knew just what it was, he didn't need Justin to tell him after sixteen years of being Brian's conscience what Brian was doing. But Brian still needed Michael and Michael still needed to be needed by Brian. And Michael needed, at the same time, to show Brian that another man could want Michael in a way Brian didn't, or couldn't.
David, to put it succinctly, was wrong for Michael for the long haul, but in the short term he was just what he needed. As much as it hurt playing out the relationship until the end, it had taught Michael lessons he was still learning, internalizing and recognizing. A new perspective on his relationship with Brian being one of those gifts. Michael had to give up the crutch.
Their relationship was a crutch. Michael gave Brian a human face and Brian protected Michael from being hurt by anyone else. As Brian said on the Turnpike, Brian could be a shit forever because Michael would always love him and forgive him. And Michael would never be hurt by anyone but Brian because no one could get close enough to him to do damage. Brian-hurt was something Michael knew he could withstand. It had become his badge of honor for fuck's sake. David changed all that. David got past Brian's guard and gave Michael a taste of what Michael really wanted. What Brian could never provide. A committed, romantic relationship.
Somewhere during the trip from Portland to Pittsburgh and in between the feel of Brian's lips on his and his hand on Michael's collarbone pushing him away, Michael finally started to let go of the fantasy. As David and Justin wormed their way into the hearts of the respective friends, Michael began to see what Brian had begun to see months before. They couldn't spend the rest of their lives spending every minute together. Funny thing, though, Michael would bet a month's of Q-Mart salary that Brian feared Michael would be the first to "leave" their comfortable co-dependency. But it was Brian who told Michael to leave, who didn't show up for the goodbye party and instead tempted death with a scarf and then moved on to his next adolescent trainee because Brian hadn't raised his Mikey to go to dinner parties with other couples.
Maybe he would have better luck with Justin.
Michael didn't think so. Not if he had anything to do about it.
END