Warnings: None
Author Note: Here's another of those old fics I wrote before I wrote fics...
Disclaimer: Queer as Folk the series, characters and concepts are the property, copyright and trademark of Showtime and Cowlip. No ownership is claimed by the author; this work is non-profit, non- commercial and not for sale for commercial purposes. Characters and situations not specifically owned, copyrighted, or tradmarked by the creators of Queer as Folk are the sole copyright of the author.
He was going to lose Mikey.
It was inevitable and time was screaming faster and faster past. It wasn’t ticking anymore, like it was when Gus was born. It was hurtling, bringing thirty closer. Soon, it would all flames out. He probably wouldn’t see it when it happened. One day he would just wake up and Mikey wouldn’t be on the other end of the phone, in the seat across from him at the diner, molded against him at Babylon or bending over the pool table at Woody's.
Sixteen years was a long time to hold on to one person, but Brian wanted forever. They had promised forever. Like Captain Astro and Galaxy Lad in those pathetic comics they used to read together locked up in Mikey’s room. At Mikey’s house, where food, love and discipline were meted out in equal measure. So different from his house where repression, alcohol and hate dirtied the air.
Now, his father was dead and Brian could taste his own mortality with Jack no longer there to hold it back. To be the older generation waiting for death. He was the father. The only father. And when Mikey went he would be gone too.
He’d tried to push Mikey away before, to make it hurt less. Not even the fucking, drugs and alcohol made the hurt any less. It was a physical ache worse than any he had ever felt before.
He was fevered as he felt his hold on Mikey slip away, as Mikey let David take control. As Mikey slipped from his side he took the carefully erected dam with him. There was not a thing Brian could do about it. It was all coming through the cracks. The fear, the need, the desire, all mixed together.
He wanted Mikey. Always had, always would. He wasn’t just trying to bait the Doc, to remind Mikey where his longing lie, he couldn’t keep his hands and lips off his friend. His mental lover. Day and night he wanted nothing more than to taste from Mikey’s mouth. To feel Mikey’s hardness against his own. If Emmett hadn’t interrupted Brian would have taken Mikey on the cold grass at the side of the Turnpike.
Lying on top of Mikey in his bed, feeling Mikey’s tender sympathy, he couldn’t resist anymore. He was going to do the one thing they had both been waiting fifteen years for. He was going to lose Mikey anyway, there was nothing to lose anymore.
His hand trembled to feel Mikey’s arousal, his tongue sang with his taste, his nose tingled with Mikey’s scent and his body ached to sheath itself in Mikey’s tight fire. For a moment his heart raced as he reached for the prize.
Then Mikey looked at him and he could see the hurt shining in his eyes. Mikey knew Brian wasn’t promising forever, but Mikey couldn’t admit that he was starting goodbye. It was better, for them both, for Mikey to pretend Brian was acting out of grief. Using Mikey for his grief management. Neither of them pointing out that they had successfully avoided that for sixteen years quite easily.
Disaster averted. Mikey and Brian pretending that it had never happened.
But it was only a matter of time.
End