Warnings: None
Author Notes: Thanks to everyone at BrianandMichael for the inspiration and encouragement.
**To Michael,
Beneath whose mild-mannered appearance beats the heart of a superhero.
Ben.**
Someone else had discovered his secret, Brian thought as his fingers ran over the words imprinted on the page. The “One” who Brian feared most had arrived and no matter how he had tried preparing himself over the past year, years, he wasn't ready.
The Doc hadn't seen it, hadn't appreciated Mikey for the person he was, and Brian knew that one way or another that relationship would end. He also knew that for Mikey it was an introduction to the way of life that suited him. The life he deserved. A taste of everything his semi-platonic connection to Brian didn't give him. Might never give because Brian couldn't provide it. Heck, he could barely even say the word “love”.
Like Patrick Swayze in Ghost.
The irony of the casting had never escaped him.
No, Brian didn't plan to give it or say it until, well, later. The nebulous later when only Mikey could see his beauty and appreciate his powers. Then, maybe then, he could finally say more than "yeah, me too."
Not now, not now, not now.
Brian dropped the book back onto Mikey's nightstand on the side of the bed closest to where Mikey slept. Where Brian slept on the nights he couldn't stay away. Mikey even slept in preparation for a relationship. Brian took a deep breath.
His eyes closed as the scents of the room tickled his nose. Clean linen, comic books, and the essence that was Mikey. Warm and comforting. Sexy. The man and his friend. Brian sat down on the bed and looked at his hands.
He'd spent the better part of a year pushing Mikey away, pulling him back, testing him. Looking for a way to make it hurt less when Mikey finally did fall fully and finally in love with someone else. When he finally had to let go and allow Mikey the happiness he deserved and that Brian was incapable of giving him.
There, he finally admitted it. Mikey was in love with him. Always had been. But might not always be. Was he still? Could Brian stop him them from growing apart? He had never considered it a possibility before.
No, Brian covered his face with his hands. He couldn't.
He held Justin's almost lifeless body in his hands and he couldn't stop the blood.
Yet, he held Justin's scared body in his arms and with more patience and compassion than he ever believed himself possible had begun to help Justin heal. He even felt himself starting to heal. He respected Justin for his courage and his passion, not just for his tight little ass. With Justin Brian had finally begun to understand the compulsion to be with the same person for more than one faceless night.
Still, none of that stopped him from wanting others. It didn't deviate him from experiencing the thrill of the chase. Didn't deter him from aching for the mystery of the back room at Babylon. Didn't deter him from prowling the baths. It didn't stop the need to confirm that he still had his powers. Didn't stop the hunger clawing at his gut. For just..something...else. Justin understood that, or pretended to, and one day he would realize he deserved more and move on. Brian was prepared for that eventuality and even figured he and Justin would stay friends.
If that happened between he and Mikey, Brian knew, they wouldn’t stay friends. Mikey wouldn’t bounce back from the hurt the way Justin would. Brian wasn’t willing to hurt Mikey like that, to risk that friendship, just to try and sate his yearning.
Brian looked up as Michael entered the room.
"Brian, what's wrong?" Mikey asked, his eyes tired from his sleepless nights since walking out of Ben's apartment. Guilt was keeping him awake at night.
Brian didn't answer, he looked back at the book Michael kept close to him at night. “He might still go back,” whispered a voice in Brian's mind.
Then he would have to let the connection loosen and set him adrift to anchor with...someone...else.
And he would never have gotten to touch Mikey. To...love him.
What, Brian bit his lip as his gaze turned back to Michael, would be the risk then, really?
THE END